Like many other aspects of chronic illness, the mental toll of health scares and hospitalizations is often hidden and avoided in conversation. The trauma of experiencing flares, painful treatments, and the panic of your body betraying you can really affect mental and emotional health. The reality of chronic illness is an uncomfortable topic for most, and is often avoided. As a result, an individual living with chronic illness is left to deal with the effects of the trauma alone, and can feel isolated and invalidated.
"You're so strong!", is one of the comments I hear most often regarding my chronic illness. While this comment is meant to be encouraging and complimentary, for a person with chronic illness, it can be frustrated. Yes, we are incredibly strong people who have been through a lot. Yes, we learn to adapt and live our best lives despite the circumstances. However, hearing comments such as these often makes me feel like I'm not allowed to vulnerable. I feel that I'm supposed to always be strong and take everything that happens with poise and a positive attitude. Without feeling able to express my pain and struggles, I often feel guilty and apologetic for my feelings. Most people don't really want to hear about struggles, pains, anxieties, and emotional defeats; it's uncomfortable and often unrelatable. Emotional vulnerability can feel like a burden; however, I believe that expressing fears and pain can be extremely therapeutic, healing, and raise levels of empathy and awareness. The reality is that individuals with chronic illness are not always strong. Sometimes, we get scared, we get angry, we feel sad and just want a hug. For me, especially when I go through flares of my condition, I'm both physically and emotionally exhausted. Physical difficulties exacerbate emotional difficulties. Fear creeps in, and anxiety increases. Recently, I've had some serious complications that have left me drained more than I have ever been. Fear surrounding eating, fear of going to the hospital again as a result of another emergency, and fear of the unknown permeate my everyday thoughts. I have to fight these demons every day, and during times like these, I do not want to feel like I have to always be strong. I crave permission to be weak, to not be okay, and to really say how I'm feeling. When feeling these things, the last thing people with chronic illness want to hear is a compliment of our strength. Of course we're strong; we don't have a choice. But our strength doesn't make us invincible to pain. We're human, and sometimes, we need extra support. It's okay to not be okay, and the best way to support someone who is struggling is to remind them of that.
3 Comments
Karleen Carlson-Ponto
8/6/2017 07:42:25 am
Wonderful piece. As I watch my daughter I have finally come to understand that the fear of pain is as painful as the pain
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Bruce fisher
8/13/2017 04:43:46 pm
Hi Jenna,
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AuthorWelcome to Sickness and Society! I'm Jenna Lee, and I hope to work to create an open dialogue about chronic illness that leads to change about how society views illness. Archives
November 2017
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