Body-shaming is a culturally pervasive issue that criticizes, comments on, and assigns negative traits about an individual based solely on their appearance. Body-shaming can take many forms: direct verbal degradation, gossip, negative comments, seemingly harmless "suggestions" for a person's "improvement", or statements of concern. Not all body-shaming is malintent; in fact, many people who comment on the bodies of others do so out of ignorance or awareness of the words they are saying. Fat-shaming is the most commonly known form of body shaming, but skinny-shaming is prevalent as well. Criticizing or unnecessarily commenting on the appearance of another person can damage self esteem or make the receiver uncomfortable and irritated. Skinny-shaming is often seen as "benevolent" and usually does not inherently have a malicious intent. Today, I am addressing the comments that people with naturally thin bodies or those who suffer from chronic and serious illnesses receive. Body-shaming individuals with eating disorders is also a serious issue, but today I am going to be shedding some light on skinny-shaming towards those with chronic illnesses. I have always been naturally slender; my healthy body is slim and I've never had to work to be thin. In fact, I have to work to gain weight. As I entered college, I began to hear comments from girls my age about my figure; they would express their "jealousy" or praise my thinness as though my weight is the best thing I have to offer. These comments are most likely rooted in the other person's insecurity about their own appearance and the high premium that our culture places on body size and beauty. I can easily brush these comments off, although they do make me slightly uncomfortable as I do not have any response to offer. Mostly, I find myself lamenting how cultural ideals are so permeable to the way we view ourselves and others. I also have a chronic gastrointestinal illness. My condition has resulted in numerous surgeries, including the removal of my entire large intestine, the sewing up of my rectum, and the placement of a continent ileostomy, or BCIR. My surgeries have completely altered the way that I can digest food and have seriously limited the foods that I can eat. I do the best I can to get adequate nutrition, but it is still difficult and often frustrating. When I go through a flare of my condition or have surgery, I quickly drop weight (weight that I didn't need to lose in the first place). Even a five-pound weight loss really shows on my frame. Any sort of skinny-shaming I experience on a regular basis increases exponentially when I lose weight from my illness. This weight loss is unintentional and out of my control, so I become more sensitive to the comments I inevitably receive. Everytime I lose weight, many people decide that it is ok to comment on my appearance. Recently, I underwent a major surgery to create my continent ileostomy and close off my rectum. I was in the hospital for two weeks, and was unable to eat anything for the entire stay. A week after coming home, I developed an internal abscess and infection and had to be hospitalized. During this stay, I was too ill to eat and subsequently dropped more weight. Currently, I'm about ten pounds under my normal (already low) weight. I'm the first to admit that I currently do not look healthy, and I so desperately want my strength back. Gaining weight and strength takes time, especially with a compromised GI tract and fatigue from illnesses. Dealing with major surgery, infection, serious pain, and a loss of appetite is difficult on its own, but my frustrations increase exponentially when the body comments start rolling in. Some of the comments I hear include: "OMG, you're so skinny!" (Thanks for bringing that to my attention. I had no clue.) "I wish I could get you a burger!" (I have severe food restrictions. It's not that simple.) "Can I please feed you something?" (How about I just tell you when I'm physically able to?) "Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?" (I really can't. I'm sorry.) "You look like you might blow away in the wind." (I guess I better put bricks in my shoes so I don't.) "Wow, I wish I could be skinny like you." (No. You. Don't. I wouldn't wish my illness on my enemy.) "I wish I could donate some of my fat to you." (How do I respond to this? I'm uncomfortable.) I fully understand that these comments are not said to hurt my feelings or criticize me; I know most people say these things out of concern. However, comments such as these are more harmful than helpful. Chronic illness and chronic pain make people weary, fatigued, and sensitive. Comments on a body that a person has no control over the appearance of add a new layer of frustration and weariness. When I am sick and I start to hear people comment on my skinny body, I have to work to restrain myself from saying what I really *want* to say. I think what frustrates me the most about body/weight comments is that it reiterates the fact that people are seriously examining and looking at my body. I feel like people are not actually looking at me, but at my body. I am so much more than my body and weight; I think that there are much better and constructive topics to discuss than the state of my appearance. Often, people will present "helpful suggestions" to try to get me to eat more. These comments are the most frustrating. I am trying; if it was as simple as drinking a milkshake, I would be drinking them constantly. Instead of trying to be "helpful", trust that my doctor and I are both aware of my weight loss and are working to try to make me healthy again. If a person is really concerned about me or wants to show their support, the best thing to do is to ask if I am willing to talk about my condition, share my experiences, or if they can support me in any way. Education about chronic illness is necessary to better understand what a chronically ill person is really going through. Instead of making assumptions or making ignorant comments, think about the power of words. I am more than willing to answer questions about my condition; in fact, I believe that the best way to erase chronic illness stigma is to start a conversation. Before you comment on another person's appearance, push food on them, or attempt to make "helpful suggestions", consider how the other person will feel about these comments and be sensitive to the fact that they are going through something difficult. People are so much more than a body- we all have dreams, goals, passions, unique personalities, and individual souls. Look beyond weight and appearance and see the person beneath the skin.
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AuthorWelcome to Sickness and Society! I'm Jenna Lee, and I hope to work to create an open dialogue about chronic illness that leads to change about how society views illness. Archives
November 2017
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